The Power of Positive Self Talk

James Allen -

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.

It is a fact that we do in life what we want to do because so that we can get something out of it. Furthermore we only change our behaviour as well as our thinking once we hurt enough or our goal is something we really desire. If it wasn't for that we would have thw attitude of why change at all?

Once again we can ask ourselves what causes anxiety and depression? Some say medication, others say traumatic events and others have many other reasons or excuses but if you look deeper you will see that the primary causes for anxiety and depression is our thinking processes as well as our reactions towards stress and overload.

Interestingly enough, emotional difficulties normally occurs because of our perceptions of life events as well as conflicted interpersonal relationships and peronal dissatisfaction.

There are times when we are ourselves are the instigators or the primary causes of our own fears and angers. Yet at other times we might be the innocent victims of circumstances which is out of our control. For example, losing your job or a fatal accident where you lose a loved one. There are many more examples and we must remember that life is filled with numerous forms of hurts and losses.

Whatever the case might be , whether we're the cause or the victim - our perceptions of what's happening to us creates the anxiety we experience and leads to depression.

Obviously we are not always responsible for what happens or happened to us but we are responsible for the thoughts and attitudes we have towards what's going on in our lives.

We can all agree that it s not easy to focus on the positive instead of the negative. It takes a lot of hard work and requires us to focus as well as a lot of instestinal fortitude. In general, by focussing on ourselves often can lead to anxiety and depression, but when we think of others it is most likely to go away.

Interestingly enough, our depression lifts when we decide to involve ourselves in some task whether it's work, excercise or being there for others and lifting their spirits.

I love this quote by Preston Bradley:

I never met a person, I don't care what his condition, in whom I could not see possibilities. I don't care how much a man may consider himself a failure, I believe in him, for he can change the thing that is wrong in his life any time he is ready and prepared to do it. Whenever he develops the desire, he can take away from his life the thing that is defeating it. The capacity for reformation and change lies within.

An important question to ask is - if anxiety and depression is caused by our thinking and perception of life events, how can we change these perceptions? In light of this it is important to understand that we frequently create Automatic Negatvie Thoughts in our minds. Daniel G Amen calls them mental ANT's.

Some example of these ANT's that like to crawl into our minds and thereby eat away our positive thinking are:

* absolutely

* all

* always

* ceaselessly

* completely

* constantly

* continually

* endless

* every time

* everyone

* everything

* forever

* impossible

* incessantly

* never

* no way

* nonstop

* perpetually

* unceasingly

* unchangeable

We can easily develop black-and-white and all-or-nothing thinking processes that could include strong messages of what one should have or could have done as well as what one must do or should do. These terrible perceptions are often the cause of us making unfair comparisons as well as personalisations that relates everything to us. This then leads us to overgeneralise as well as giving ourselves negative labels.

Here are some examples:

* a nobody

* bad

* despicable

* dope

* dreadful

* failure

* fool

* freak

* half-wit

* helpless

* hopeless

* idiot

* inadequate

* jerk

* loser

* lunatic

* monster

* moron

* pathetic

* powerless

* stupid

* undeserving and many, many more.

There are times when we tend to call ourselves names and then there are times when others make fun of us. The problem is that name-calling hurts us whether it is of our own accord or because others are doing it to us. The best thing we can do to move away from anxiety and depression is to start trampling those ANT's of devestating words as well as negative labeling.

The best way to do this is to challenge your thoughts. The moment negative thoughts like - nobody likes me or everybody things I am stupid, thake a step back and challenge that thought. Realise that it is impossible for everyone in the world not to like you, you will always be able to find someone that likes you. Likewise it is impossible for everyone to think you are stupid. In all likelihood these thoughts are not based on reality. In all honesty your are probably reacting emotionally to some damaged relationship with someone that is important in your life. The problem is, you might be frustrated and hurt because of this situation and you have no idea how to change it.

For those struggling to overcome anxiety and depression, ask yourself the question - are you willing to make all the necessary adjustments?

There are some techniques that can help you get rid of the ANT's in your life:

1. STOP! Loudly tell yourself (when the setting is right - otherwise do it quitely in your mind) to STOP because hearing your own voice helps you to change your thinking pattern. Afterwards say out loud (in the correct setting) THINK NEW THOUGHTS. This process can help break the chain of terible words and negative labeling. It is important to learn to fight the thoughts that pull us down emotionally and flee from discouraging thinking. Instead of focusing on the negative list everything that you can be thankful for.

2. DISTRACTION! The moment a negative thought enters your mind look for something to do that will distract you because it will help your mind to stop thinking all the terrible thoughts. Yes, it won't cure your anxiety or depression but it will help you change the way you are thinking and once your thinking changes your feelings will follow suit and they too will change.

3. MOOD INVENTORY! Create an inventory of your moods so that you can deal with your emotions. Once you've done this it will give you a different perspective

4. An "AHA MOMENT"! Try looking at your problems through a different lense and try to find different interpretations and solutions for your problems. Try this by yourself or ask a friend to help you so that you can find a different way to look at what's going on in your life.

5. FRIENDS! Lonliness can create a lot of anxiety and depression. There is an massive need for connections and relationships with others. It is important to note that there's a difference between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is the joy of being alone where loneliness is the pain of being alone. It is important to create positive friendships that is mutually beneficial.

6. GRIEF & RESILIENCE! It takes resiliency to overcome anxiety and depression that has been caused by grief and loss. This is the capacity to cope or adapt regardless of what has happened in your life. It is also the ability to bounce back and in the process to make productive and realistic choices. At some point in time everyone faces challenges and the struggle is to maintain resilient balance because without it, it is easy to become selfish.

7. LOOK BETTER, FEEL BETTER! Learn how take care of yourself and how to carry yourself regardless of what you are facing because it is an important part of your mental and emotional health. If you don't look after yourself you won't feel good about yourself.

8. GOALS! It is important to have goals to help you through difficult times. Sometimes to reach these goals you need to be able to say no and you need to simplify your life so that you can get rid of some stress, pressure and complexity. Remember, goals must be specific, measurable, realistic and not overly complex.

9. START NOW! It's important to note that procrastination breeds anxiety and depression because when you start putting things off you start to worry and guilt creeps in because you haven't done what you should be doing. The completion of tasks eliminates anxiety, it destroys depression, it gives self-confidence and it establishes a sense of peace by finishing something that you have started.

10. PAIN! One way of overcoming anxiety and depression is to learn how to make piece with pain. We can't escape the suffering that humanity faces but we can learn to face the pain. Dont' evade or run away from it because it won't solve anything. Confront difficult situations so that you can learn how to grow through legitimate suffering. M Scott Peck says: Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

The time has come to make peace with pain, to come to the place of accepting the facts of life that can't be changed, stop fighting and holding on and thinking things will change. It's time to let go and accept reality.